Thursday, 2 February 2012
The Heart of the Matter
As if Liz Taylor ever received a crummy box of chocolates for St. Val's. Ha!. And not even Belgian chocolates.This is false advertising! The legendary man-eater owned more big fat diamonds than any woman on the planet, including that other Elizabeth. ( the one with the large tiara) Which brings me to the scariest celebration on the calendar, and I'm not talking Halloween. To a large segment of humanity, February 14 is Doomsday. Oh the horror of awkward dinner dates and tacky gifts! Tawdry zirconium baubles and sleazy red lingerie, wilted discount roses from Zehr's. And those damn chocolates. Yuck. I have a right to be jaded. I foolishly married a silver- tongued lizard on St.Val's day many moons ago. A day of infamy. I won't go into all the sordid details- it was annuled shortly after.
What does this heartless harpy really really want? An elegant dinner at La Cucina with my current Royal City Hunk would be swellegant. But if the big lug takes me to Swiss Chalet, I shall simply throw him into the Speed River to wallow in the muck with all the other slimey bottom feeders. For such a grand occasion I would like to be seen strutting down Macdonell in this serious red Valentino gown. But since Saint Valentino is a bit beyond the beyond,( $8675 on eBay) I will opt for this cheeky cheerful little number from the Wild Rose.($45) Paired with a red cashmere cardigan ($24) for warding off any chills seeping out of my cold cold heart. Brrrrrrr. Hopefully Prince Charming won't embarrass me with unimportant jewelry like cheesy heart pendants from the mall. God forbid. It's a very treacherous game for you poor men. Best to be safe and not to buy anything unless it's from Tiffany's. Or a gift certificate from Wild Rose.